You don’t get it do you? You don’t get how hard it is to
miss you. You don’t get how it is to be the kind of person who feels everything
so deeply. To feel emotions exponentially multiplied into something that makes
it so difficult to bear that you almost stop breathing. I cannot count how many
times I had to remind myself I had to continue breathing because my body’s
default breathing system gets messed up by all these emotions.
“I miss you terribly” doesn’t even begin to describe what
I’m going through. My goal every single day is always the same: To not think
about you. I have yet to experience a day where I achieve that goal. It doesn’t
take a lot to trigger thoughts of you and most times I don’t even need a
trigger. And it isn’t just my brain that has gone off the rails. My heart is in
an even worse condition. And these two, although they don’t always get along,
have their moments when they both decide to go all erratic and wild.
Case in point: Any story I hear or see that remotely
resembles one that is of love, I think of you. That single thought will make a
domino effect of thoughts that will take so much energy and distraction to
stop. All it takes is that split second of relapse to suck me in the vortex
that is you. My heart, on the other hand, simultaneously goes berserk. It goes
into a panic, it explodes, it skips a beat and it stops beating all at the same
time. How it can do all that, at one time, will forever remain a question I
cannot answer but I am telling you it is possible.
