Promises are made to be broken..

I hate how i try so hard to keep my promises. I really really really want to break the last promise I gave you. I want to talk to you so bad. I get by on most days but some days it gets really bad especially the ones that starts with waking up from a dream of you. Tonight, I have to study for one of the most difficult exams this semester and tonight is one of the nights when I can't get off of my head. I have this need to hear your words to tell me to calm down because I got this.. It seems I don't trust myself enough if I say those words. It has to come from you for me to believe it's true.

I wish I can say things are getting better or it's getting easier but I can't. Missing you never stops. Not even for a day. It's always just there lurking in the corner no matter how hard I push it behind my mind.

I've decided to have a more positive outlook in life this year. Good vibes all the way. It has been working so far. I've made amends with some loose ends and I've cut ties with the others. Things have been looking up, I should say. The only thing missing is you.

I want to say I'm getting used to not having you around but I think I'd be lying if I did. I've gotten better in hiding how devastated I am about losing you. People can't tell how I have sleepless nights not because of studying but because of all the thinking of you. They don't ask me how I am anymore because from what they see, I seem okay. That is the plan after all..to make people stop asking questions and to move on with their lives and to just leave me alone.

So here I am. Still stuck. Oblivious to what I should do. This spark of hope in me just doesn't seem to want to die. It just keeps burning and burning no matter what tidal wave comes its way. I am no match to my own heart. It has a mind of its own that has reasons that even reason don't understand.
With this, I surrender my all to the universe. I don't know what to do so I'm just going to let things
take its course and see where it leads me. I hope it is to you..because after all is said and done..when the smoke is clear..It's always going to be you.