My Secret Little Happy Place

I've always loved to write but I never thought of myself as a writer. I think there are more capable people who deserved that honor. People who really know me would say I talk a lot and I say what's on my mind but when it comes to expressing what I want to say, nothing beats writing it all down. There's a different kind of freedom in writing. Less distractions. More Time. Less interruptions. More Liberty. It's just you and a piece of paper (but in my case it's just me and the screen).

You get to say what you want whenever you want and nobody is there to butt in on your conversation. The freedom allows you to tell the truth without  holding back and if you've ever tried writing that way, you will know what I mean when I say it can give you a sense of liberation. When you open up both your heart and mind and accept and understand your feelings and thoughts and you are able to write them down in its raw form is one of the most honest things anyone can do.

As much as i feel there are so many perks in writing, i stopped writing a long time ago. I went through some really dark stuff in the past and writing them down requires me to be honest with myself and at that time I just couldn't do it or maybe I just didn't want to be. So I avoided writing as much as I could and kept the thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart where no one could touch them, not even me..

All this until you came along..

You bring back so many things from the past and you bring with you so many hopes of the future. You're a mix of things I wasn't expecting to get (maybe ever). Unknowingly, you forced me to deal with things I didn't want to deal with and you planted enough curiosity for me to not stay away. You are the perfect concoction of good and bad for me to finally open up the doors to that part of my heart and mind that I have locked up for so long.

This is not a confession and and a tell-all book of my past. I don't think its as important as the here and now. Besides, I don't want to bore you with the drama and comedies of what has already been done. I do though, want to share something about my exciting action-filled present (and maybe even future).

It's very simple. It's very simple but very profound. It depends on how you want to look at it.

It is this.

You inspire me.

You inspired me to pick up a pen and paper again and let it all out (more like pick up a laptop).

Today, my life just seems to be all over the place. To describe the mess that it is as complicated would not be nearly enough to begin with but I've learned to get by. To just take things one day at a time and sometimes take things an hour at a time..But then there's you.

 You're like this little bubble outside my world that reminds me of the good things in life. You're my secret little happy place that no one knows about. My temporary refuge when things just become too difficult to handle.

I didn't know if it was a good idea if i should tell you but i figured making someone happy is never a bad thing. I thought that if you knew you made me smile you would be inspired too to make others smile. The problem was I didn't know how to say it. I didn't want to say the wrong words because it might lead for things to change and after a lot of thought I realized the best way to do it was to write it down.

I can't say for sure how long this kind of relationship will last. It can be until today, tonight, tomorrow, next week or next month but I just want to say that I'm happy and grateful it happened. To be inspired by somebody you barely know isn't exactly something that happens everyday. To have a silver lining on your dark cloud is always a cause for celebration. When you find someone that gives you a little more reason to hope in tomorrow is someone you should tell "thank you" to.

So, thank you for being all that to me.

For inspiring to start writing again. For forcing me to be honest. For being a constant reminder that no matter the situation, there is always something to be happy about. For being the smile on my worst days. For just being the you that you are to me.

It's crazy beautiful how all these you do without even knowing it..